Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize