you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
