I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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