Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
