You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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