I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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