Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
