i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
