If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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