I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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