I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
