Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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