I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
