forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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