idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
