Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
