I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
