i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
