he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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