Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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