he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize