this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
