I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
