i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
