I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
