I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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