is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
