She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
