What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
