i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
