Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
