if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
