Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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