I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
