I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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