why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
