I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Boobs speak an international language.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
