Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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