Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
