Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
