You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
