Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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