My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
