Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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