the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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