i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize