worst night to have a conscience
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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