Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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