What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
