I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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