8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize