Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The Olympian is in my bed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
