I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She needs sedatives and a leash
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
