she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
