I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize