Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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