I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
