My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
