Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
