I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sober January is a disaster.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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