There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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