Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
