whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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