ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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