i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
