I wish my penis had an off switch
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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