Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
