a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
