I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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