Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
