i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize