Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
