you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
