bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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