When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
