I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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