my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
