doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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