Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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