:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
