I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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