You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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