Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this just has baby written all over it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
