her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
