i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize