thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love having hate sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
