you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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