I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
