I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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