Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
