I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
