You just made me feel so damn special
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
