4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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