need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
