Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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