my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize