He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
