When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
