My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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