i barfeds in our rink
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
