Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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