Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
