Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
