he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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