Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize