I hate your face
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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