New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize