the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
