it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
