Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
