it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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